_-- Loves the rain --

What I hope to become

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Do u know when u wish u were someone else? Someone who is not a person that u met and see every day? Or even those common people on the street??

Well, I know, because tat's what I feels today.

I wish to become someone who is:

- mute
- emotionless
- not softhearted
- can stand loneliness
- purely emo person
- can keep everything inside heart

I seriously wish to become a person like this.....
Today I made up my mind not to talk to my sister
Today I made up my mind not to tell anything to my parents again
Today I made up my mind to close myself/distance myself away from family
Today I made up my mind to become emotionless in front of my family members
Today I made up my mind to only talk to my aunt if I have any problem
Today I made up my mind not to smile/laugh infront of my parents
Today I made up my mind to become a doll....

Today, I pray to god once again for help.
Would they answer me.......??

9:09 AM
withlove ,

A crush or brother?

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Is this another crush or do I juz wan him to be my brother and take care of me?
Because I had a dream about him juz like I had a dream about my ex...

Haiz...

I dream about myself waking up from a long long sleep....
When I woke up, I was just like a little girl. So curious about the things around me...
Den, I remember I had 4 big brothers. HE was one of them.
I was playing around the beach with my brothers around but they were doing their own things.

While I was playing, a big fat guy came towards me and smile creepily.
I stop building the sandcastle and look at him scared.
He began to touch me but I wrapped myself up tightly and was shaking due to fear.

HE and another brother quickly came over. The big fat guy saw, so he quickly ran away.
HE took off his own jacket and began to wrap it around me.... soon, I fall alseep again,
It was warm and safe.

Den, I woke up again and say my brothers playing ball.
I stood up and took the jacket. Juz den, he was next to me, taking my jacket.
I smile at him and walk towards my other brothers.
Halfway there, I saw a cute and unique dog, and I began to follow it.
Den came across a girl and soon we became friend.
We went window shopping, learning about lots of stuff.

Den I receive a text from HIM, asking where I am.
And well, that's when I woke up...

LOLS, NOT MUCH but... I can stil rememeber it VERY CLEARLY

2:53 AM
withlove ,

Not what I wanted

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

This is so not me.
Every decision I made, once it made me feel glad tat I did it, things would turn out wrong.
I don't understand and I don't get it.

Why~?

I feel like I'm going against fate.
And it doesnt want me to win so it is using everything it has to make me go back to where I begin
I couldnt make progress

Things gets messed up.
I started to get confused
Feelings starts to make me remember something I dun wan to remember and something I dun wan to know

I hate this....
I dont like it....
But there's no one I can turn to but myself....
Because I couldnt put these feelings into words, and no one will understand but myself...

I'm lost,
I'm stuck
Who will be there to save me
Who will be there to just give me their company
And who will be there, to just be my listening ear and not judge me??

3:33 AM
withlove ,

Seriously?? Why~?

Monday, June 11, 2012

I am beginning to think something is SERIOUSLY WRONG with me
To hell to those people who just keep rejecting me even as a friend.

Urg~!! Don't know what the hell is wrong with you people....
I think I should consider being a lesbian already
I mean I mostly attract girls than guys. PLUS girls seem to be more willingly to like come to me and accept me and have fun and WHAT-SO-EVER
BUT guys??!!
SERIOUSLY, I just wan to chat as friend? Like being hot and cold towards me
One time u so friendly and kind and helpful, the next, TOTALLY ignored me...
Cool huh??!!

SERIOUSLY!! F*CK ALL THESE GUYS AND GET A GRIP
It's not like I'm desperate or something. If u don't wan chat wif me, tell me.
Like what will I do....Kill u just becoz u don't wan chat wif me?
OH PLEASE
Like I will waste my F*CKING life killin u and spending my life in jail FOR U...
WHO DO U THINK U R

Haiz, maybe I should really consider being a lesbian. But it's not fun being one, I swear....
Because, one of them have to be a guy and.... well.....high chance it would be me....

I wan to be love more than I love my lover....
Doesnt matter anyway. sometimes it's good to be single too....
If not everyday get frustrated why lover nvr text me, nvr call me
LIKE I HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN CELL FOR THAT...

Tmr exam, I'm so worried. Just hope everything goes well for me....
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE~!!!!

7:42 AM
withlove ,

A simple dream that made me smile

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I never thought u could be so sweet and loving until I saw u in my dreams.
I thought I had forgotten about u but.... the dream made me realised that I never did....
I still miss u
In my dream:

U ask me to go to your sch to help u with some things
Seeing I have nothing to do, I decided to help u. In your sch, u intro some of your frenz(girls) to me. There was one girl which I really like about her.... ^^

After I had finish helping u, u decided to send me to mrt station
While we were crossing the road, u suddenly put your hands over my shoulder and pulled me close towards u. (<< This is the part where u were so shocking and loving)
I blushed furiously and asked, "What are u doing? "
However, u remained silently.... My heart was beating so fast and I was so confsued.
Hence, I continued, " I thought we were over? "
I couldnt help but feel sad about it.
But what made me feel even more worse was what u were about to do.

U pushed me away slightly and continue walking without a word.
I was utterly confused. I did not know wad to do.
The way to station was just so quiet.

I told u to go off first because I had to top up my card, however, u said it was okay and that u will wait for me. I nodded. ( Talk about bipolar.... =.=''' )
I waited in line. It was crowded and soon, I lost sight of u.
I got anxious but thought maybe u went off already.
After I had topped up, about to enter the "tap card " machine, I saw u walking towards me with u holding a few heart shape balloons.

It was at that time that I woke up :(

3:27 AM
withlove ,

Sometimes not having people understand u is good

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

fuck tis whole shit!!

7:29 AM
withlove ,

The best is to...

Saturday, March 24, 2012

The best thing that could happen to me is when I forget everything.
It is then I could really really start afresh.
Be someone new, someone who is not the " me " right now
Someone who could hide all the emotions and feelings
Someone who is truely an EMO

Just so then I wont be afraid of being lonely anymore.
Then I wont need friends
I wont need family members
I wont need someone to love me
TO BE THERE FOR ME

With my eyes open, I could see friends, family members and people around me who loves me
say they would always be with me, be by my side
by there for me
lend me their ears and shoulders
Frenz forever

But when I close my eyes, I realise that surrounding me was darkness
What they said....was it true or was it just words?

Honestly, nothing is true anymore.
Everyone just lies and pretend
And yet they are able to just go on living

Wont they feel anything when they go to slp?
It's funny...
So funny that I could only show a sad smile.

I envy how characters in their stories always turn out fine.
How brave they were and how things turn out find even when they went through the most painful and torturous situation or events. But in real life, it just doesnt happen.
"Birds of the same feather flock together"

Kinda true. When one group hate the other group, the one with more power wins the heart of EVERYONE and everyone began to follow the more powerful group even when they got no idea wad is going on.

I hate today. Today was suppose to turn out fine until it was ruin by a certain someone. Why couldnt I just have a day where I had fun and everything turns out fine?
Why??!!

8:04 AM
withlove ,